* Dear Dad,

Happy Father’s Day!

I hope you all will excuse me if I write a short note to my sons and sons in law? Three of them became fathers this past year, one for the first time, and the other for the second time; and the third for the second and third time, (twins) and I am so proud of them! They are men of integrity, men that make Father’s Day a truly special day in the lives of their wives and children. Thank you my sons, for making your mother so proud! For honoring me and blessing me by the way you love and take care of your families. I love you so much!

To the man of the house (my house that is) you have proved once again this year what a great dad and grandfather you truly are. You are ‘Papa, the man, the legend’ for sure! (I saw that on a t-shirt!) But you are my legend, and I love you. Thank you for putting up with me J

And I want to honor my father who is in Heaven now.  I still miss him, his guidance and the security I felt when he was still with us. He was a larger than life kind of person. Back when I was still a single mother, I was missing him so much and wished I could just talk to him for a little while. I wrote him a letter instead; it’s below and I hope you enjoy it.

I love you daddy!

Dear Dad,

Last week Joseph got that job he had wanted. He’s really working hard and I feel so proud of him. It’s great to see your kids be successful. Somehow you feel all your worth as a person, your personal contribution to this life depends on how your children turn out. But then I guess you would know.

Lynn has moved out. She’s on her own now. Strange how that empty room makes me feel, like I lost my arm or something. But then I guess you would know about that.

Like, how it feels when you work so hard to see a task completed, involved in every detail, only to step back and wait to see how it turns out all on its own. You can’t do anymore. Just wait. But there is so much left to do.

Tony is doing fine too.  Great grades at school, almost as tall as me!! I want him to be small again so we can cuddle on the couch and watch cartoons. Guess those days are over. No more playing Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. Gee, makes me feel old, of not much use anymore. But then I guess you know.

They have so many things out there to help you be a parent when your child is small; we celebrate their arrival and all through the many things of growing up. I’ve spent so much time learning, achieving, acquiring for my family, and now when I finally have arranged life and home to fit my kids, they are ready to leave! What do I do with all this wisdom I’ve obtained now; this patience I so painfully learned to possess? What do I fill the rooms of this almost large enough house with? I don’t know how to adjust. But then I guess you know.

Scary this having your kids grow up and leave you stuff. I wonder if they will still need me? I wonder if they will remember to include me in their new lives. What if their spouses don’t want me around; will they ever come home for Christmas? I didn’t know being a parent was like this. No one writes books about this part. Dad, it’s kinda scary. But then I guess you know.

Remember when I thought you were old fashioned and out of touch? I knew so much more than you then. I was wondering Dad, how do I get through all this, could you give me some advice? Tell me what to do, how it felt? Because Dad, I guess you should know.

 *Update: Rereading this I realize that all I learned back then I am using now as a grandmother. Sold the big house and moved into a little one with no yard and for that I have been sorry for since I would have enjoyed seeing my grand kids play where their moms and dads did. I was so stuck in my empty nest syndrome that I couldn't see the big picture. But once again life is full with the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Totth Fairy, and snuggling on the couch to watch cartoons!

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